garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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