i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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