it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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