I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
