oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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