At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
