I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
