you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
