I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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