APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
