i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
