I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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