So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
