Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
