Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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