he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
