if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
