So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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