i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
