is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
