READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There r osticjed everywhere
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
