I just made out with a guy for $7.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
