I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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