I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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