ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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