I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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