Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
