She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
