I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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