We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
