I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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