I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
