Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
