You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
