what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
