my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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