Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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