i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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