She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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