Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
