My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
