I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
whose parrot is this?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
