Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
