her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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