he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
