Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
no, he came in my armpit
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
