also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
