You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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