wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
