Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
